This time of year in April I have many memories that come back to me... Its almost been two years since I lost my dad. I lost my dad on April 17 , 2009. I can't believe how time has flied and that I actually lived through it and dealt with it. The last memories of my dad are easter and conference time. This is what is bringing me to do this post on a saturday night. I'm just very sad and I miss him. I have been having these moments a lot lately and right now I just feel like writing it down. I don't get to talk about it much because many of my siblings don't because they get too sad. I am the type of person that loves to talk about my feelings .. I feel lately that I haven't talked about my dad enough. I get anxiety that people are forgetting about him. I want a dad.. I want my dad back. At work I see families come in everyday. Or daughters with there dads. It makes me think of him and just want my life to go back to normal how it was two years ago. I feel like the reality of things has start to hit my family. My whole family relied on him. Everyday I sit and talk to him either in my head or sit in my room and say my prayers and talk to him. I still have never felt his presence. I know that I haven't because my faith is being tested now more than ever. Lately my life has been pretty stressful. I just want to be able to tell my dad that even though he is not here I always think about you. I know that I am the luckiest person in the world to have a dad like you. I am sorry for letting you down.. But I will keep my promises. I will make you proud. Even though I am sad, mad , and miss you ,just know that I am happy that you are happy! I know that you are in a wonderful place. You are where you need to be. You are with heavenly father doing amazing work. I hope your listening when the family gets together and we make jokes about you. And makes jokes about things you did. Your presence is still in our home even after two years. Mom tells me that I am like you! Which makes me so happy. I love you dad. I miss you. I need you in my life right now to make me happy.. But I just know that the day we meet again will be the best moment ever.
